The Lady Prism: Me And My Shadow

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Me And My Shadow

" I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir,
because I'm not myself you see."
- Alice ( Alice in wonderland)

I love this picture and think it sits perfectly well with this blog. You know, if you lift up her skirt you're bound to see a canister half filled with yellow grainy couscous. :D

She's very functional, my doll. And very petty too. See how she stands alone so peaceful and calm and behaved? Sometimes...oh, sometimes I wish I could be just like her! Poised rigid.

This may be hard to imagine (or not), but I have not been "myself" lately. Well, for most of last weekend to be exact. I am under a spiry spell of popping bad vibes. So easy to blame PMS for this because I know exactly that it caused it. I went sort of funk weird with an extra layer of bizarre.

Make no mistake I knew I was being....unearthly? I knew I was being unreasonable. I knew I was being like, the international tooth fanged Dairy Queen of hell's branch. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was and am well aware of my freaky, spaced out, bull headed actuation. But the fact is, I couldn't help it! I can't help "IT!" This...this...coiled....orange spotted...tantrum banging inside my chest.

I don't know why, why, why do I get so freaking emotional sometimes?! It's almost like wanting to jump off this skin to put on somebody else. Gawd' I'm an iguana living inside my brain. Just one word - one ordinary word can set me off.

It's tiring to be me when I'm like this. :(

Oh, well, at least I know and accept my shadow self. It doesn't look anything like that dolly girl I tell you. Whatever! Today, I am facing it, soothing it, pacifying it, softly telling it to please please clarify what it really wants to say. What's the point? Is there a point?

Shhh....shhhh......shhh....
I think I hear it meowing back....
Phew!

Time to paint....

7 comments:

HLizaMay 28, 2009 at 7:26 PM
At least you can paint all those feelings away! I can't!
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AnonymousMay 29, 2009 at 3:39 AM
I want to see your paintings
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darkfoamMay 29, 2009 at 10:33 AM
yeah .. i'm hearing you ..
i have the same shadow self ..
it's actually rather a dark murky cloud self .. :)

painting is good though .. :)
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Lady PrismMay 29, 2009 at 2:10 PM
Hi Hliza, I don't think they're particulalry good paintings by painting standards. But, they do get the job done. The job of releasing pent up angst.

Rolf: Hi. I'm fixing up my page for that, but I do have some posted here.

Foamy: I wish we had open parks and abundant greens like where you live. I'd walk this feeling away for miles and miles if I lived in such. Someday I'll move out of this city and realize that dream..
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Lady PrismMay 29, 2009 at 2:10 PM
Hi Hliza, I don't think they're particulalry good paintings by painting standards. But, they do get the job done. The job of releasing pent up angst.

Rolf: Hi. I'm fixing up my page for that, but I do have some posted here.

Foamy: I wish we had open parks and abundant greens like where you live. I'd walk this feeling away for miles and miles if I lived in such. Someday I'll move out of this city and realize that dream..
ReplyDelete
Replies
GuatyenMay 29, 2009 at 9:20 PM
we are who we are, and sometimes we can be scary eh? playing dr. jackel and mr hyde. hehe! maybe the other you is trying to tell you something?

meow?
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couragetocreatewriteandloveAugust 11, 2009 at 10:11 PM
I LOVE this quote!
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The Lady Prism

Simply somebody who enjoys the company of a few intimate souls. I love the sound of sunbeams and the soothing brush of the shore on a sandy pebbled beach.

I love the ripple of cascading rain and singing brooks. I love the fluttery dance of fireflies and funny crickets on a dewy night. I love the melody of sultry whispers in my ears.

I love the view of a blue moon rising and of the Orion's Belt and of a meteor shower. I love the taste and aroma of French Vanilla Coffee on a Sunday morning in bed. I love moist brownies, almonds and pecans.

But most of all I love the feel of love wrapped around my arms. Welcome to the prism in me!

Mindful

MINDFUL

Every day I see or hear somethingthat more or less kills mewith delight, that
leaves me like a needle in the haystackof light.
It was what I was born for -to
look, to listen, to lose myself inside this soft world -to instruct myself over
and over in joy, and acclamation.
Nor am I talkingabout the
exceptional, the fearful, the dreadful, the very extravagant - but of the
ordinary, the common, the very drab, the daily presentations.
Oh, good
scholar, I say to myself, how can you help but grow wise with such teachings as
these -the untrimmable lightof the world, the ocean's shine, the prayers that
are made out of grass?
~ Mary Oliver

Leaves Of Grass

LEAVES OF GRASS

" This is what you shall do: love the earth and sun, and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence towards the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or number of men; go freely with the powerful uneducated persons, and with the young, and mothers, of families:

read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life re-examine all you have been told at school or church, or in any books,

and dismiss whatever insults your soul. "

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

THE SUMMER DAY

Who made the worldWho made the swan, and the black bearWho made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyesNow she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

Marriane Williamson ~ "A Woman's Worth"

* Beauty is an internal light, a spiritual radiance that all women have but most women hide, unconsciously denying its existence. What we do not claim remains invisible.....*

* The woman who is truly self-aware knows that her self is a light from beyond this world, a spiritual essence that has nothing to do with the physical world. Those of us who strongly believe in the reality of spirit are quickly invalidated by a worldly power system that senses within spiritual truth the seeds of its own destruction. For if we truly believed in an internal light, we would not believe in the power of external forces, and we would not be so easy to dominate and control. We would not be tempted to see hair and clothes and makeup as sources of so much of our self-esteem and the ideal beauty of a fashion model as a sign that we are not beautiful at all. *

Authenticity Is A Daily Practice!

Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries and to allow ourselves ourselves to be vulnerable, exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made from strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit;nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.

Authenticity demands WHOLEHEARTED living - even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it.

Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul searching struggles is how we invite GRACE, JOY and Gratitude into our lives. ♥ ~ Brene' Brown

Next Time

NEXT TIME

Next time what I'd do is look at the earth before saying anything. I'd stop
just before going into a houseand be an emperor for a minuteand listen better to
the wind or to the air being still.

When anyone talked to me, whether blame or praise or just passing time,I'd
watch the face, how the mouth has to work, and see any strain, any sign of what
lifted the voice.

And for all, I'd know more -- the earth bracing itself and soaring, the air
finding every leaf and feather over forest and water, and for every person the
body glowing inside the clothes like a light. ~ Mary Oliver

The Lady Prism

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Me And My Shadow

7 comments:

A Peek Into My Life