I Need To Realize

Certain moments I lean towards fretfulness.

Living in my pretty gated community can be...what's the word? Confining, that's it! Walls and gates are high up and I barely know my neighbors.

Two years now and the only lady I meet on a regular basis is the Association Secretary to whom I pay the monthly water bill and security due. I always tell her how nice and straight her hair is. Sometimes we talk about the weather. Sometimes we talk about how unfortunately flooded other parts of the metro are.

There are moments when I miss the little blue terrace back at the old house. I gazed at the stars back then. No late night walks though could be had. My mornings were frantic - evenings the same. It was a nice enough place but not walk inspiring. Noisy neighbors. Roaming pets. Cluttered minds.

I tend to dream of living in other places too. Places with expansive open lawns, where mountains surround, where I can bike to town and not get side swept and mangled by devilish motorists. Places where I can visually feast on rolling fields and winding terrains of violets and orange and yellow hues. Quiet paths and huge ancient trees hugging leaf laden hiking roads, I am a Prism lady, I dream of that.

Which only reveals my level of discontentment. How verily vain I can be not to see the beauty and abundance around me. I pine for the past when back then I prayed for today. I look to a future with vague wistfulness, when right outside my window is a serene picture of butterflies and sparrows fleeting from tree to tree, house to house. There is quiet save for the placid hum of my washer and a plane far above over head. Plus the sparrows, of course, not to forget the sparrows.


I write to remind myself that I painted this on my mind a long time ago. Here it is. My vision come true, I am blind to see. Avocado greens and blushing pinks, yellow bells and rose red vines clamber outside. A fluttering, dancing winged white, it could be a fairy, who knows? Why not take a moment to soak it in fully instead of setting my sights somewhere else, past - future.

I am Prism. I refract color. I create light.
I can always paint what I want next.
Today I live. Just live. Alive.
Fully and grateful.

Chimes are clinking outside. I think they agree.